I think I have screwed up with my sons, especially my middle one, away at college, playing collegiate sports. I screwed up because I surrounded him with men his whole life, real men. Most of the men he grew up with were coaches or guys who had played at a high level of sports or Tier One Operators. Men who shake your hand and look you in the eye, men who tell you that they are going to do something and then they actually do it, men who don't berate you or put you down for no reason, men who are secure with their place in the world and their manhood, and men who wouldn't think of lying to you.
Away at school, he has realized that there are men who lie right to your face, treat you like shit, and then lie some more. He called me one day and he said to me, "Dad, I guess I am realizing how the real world works," and "I can't believe that there are men who are really like this," meaning cowards and unethical pussies.
He grew up around my father, who was incapable of telling a lie, kind, and a teacher. He didn't cuss, drink, or smoke, and was as solid as they come.
He grew up around guys like Justin Watson of the Houston Texans, who is among the finest people that I have ever met. Solid as they come. A humble, family man in a world of NFL ME ME ME people.
He grew up around my strength staff, who were go-getters and teachers, and fine people.
He grew up hunting with my buddy Steve, a great outdoorsman, a pastor, a founder and principal of his own school, a farmer, a father, and a great man.
He grew up with coaches who were demanding but deep down cared so much for him. It is tough when you go from all of that to being surrounded by men who really don't give a shit about you.
The Tier One guys he knows treated him like gold. You can't be around those guys and not feel elevated as a person. I think sometimes that it is unbelievable that these guys exist, the toughest motherfuckers in the world who are also the most kind and generous. One time, I told one of them that my son wanted to be a Tier One guy for Halloween. A few days later, he received a full scuba diving kit, from my friend's locker, I assume.
So it has been rough on him, and it makes my heart ache that his eyes are so open now. One of his coaches tells him to "Shut the fuck up" all the time. That's a new one for him. That kind of level of disrespect, not just as an athlete, but as one fucking human being to another, is something that he has never been around. I am proud of my son for holding back his temper, because I don't know if I would have that kind of maturity, that kind of restraint. In fact, I wouldn't. I'm not as mature as he is. If one of my staff had ever treated an athlete like that, I would make them immediately apologize to the kid. And if they did it again, I would fire them so fast their head would spin. But he's easy to pick on, because he's coachable, eager to learn, and wants to please.
I had a high school head coach that was an asshole. I despised him with all of my being. He wouldn't advocate for any of his athletes to get into college, because he said that one time, many years before I was coached by him, he had helped a kid get a scholarship to Nebraska, and the kid quit and came home. So that coach was done helping anyone, ever. We always had more talent than the other high schools but he was such a lousy coach that we never did much of anything record -wise. After your senior year of playing for him, as soon as the season was done, he would move you into the other side of the weight room and wouldn't allow you around the younger players. We didn't know the reason, we just figured it was him being his usual asshole self. After he did that to me, I refused to listen to anything that he said, so he put me out in the hallway during class. I'd come to the weight room, grab a chair, and sit in the hallway. Years later, a few of my old high school teammates came over my house to tell me that the fat bastard passed away. I remember asking them if they knew where he was buried so that I could piss on his grave.
Some men think that they are so badass that they have no idea that they aren't, because they have never been called on their shitty behavior and condescending attitude. Sometimes I think that it would be better if , as soon as someone treated you like shit, you could immediately punch them in the throat without them calling the cops or suing you. The pecking order would be established right away.
The funny thing is that the most badass men that I know are the best men that I know. They know how dangerous they are so they don't even want to go down that road of getting physical and will pull out all stops not to go that way. Because they know that when the switch flips, there is no stopping, no going back.
I was talking to a coach and former player of mine one day. He had just left a major university in Florida where he was coaching to take a job at a smaller school. I asked him why he left, and he said, "How would you like to work for a head coach who called you an asshole every day?" Who the fuck do these people think they are? In the movie , "All the Right Moves, " Tom Cruise sums up how some of these guys think that they hung the moon.
I have thought of that scene many times over the years, and it is so true. You have these kids lives in your hands and you mess it all up with a massive ego for no reason. You aren't God, you are just a guy who misuses his authority because you are insecure and a bitch.
So if you are out there coaching or in a position of authority, remember your responsibilities as a man. Be a teacher, not an asshole.
