Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Movies for Real Men

I love watching old movies. The ones made before all this bullshit came upon us. You know what I am talking about. The ones made before everyone became so sensitive about everything and all butt hurt and all. I think the first one that made me say, "What the hell?" was when Demi Moore kicked a Navy Seal's ass. That was in 1997. Demi Moore couldn't kick anyone's ass, ever, man or woman, let alone one of the baddest men on the planet. That was the beginning, and then it was all downhill from there. But forget about all that. Let us focus on some killer movies. The Outlaw Josey Wales, for one. 

What a movie! I watch it whenever I can, which is usually once a week. Josey is a simple Missouri farmer during the end of the Civil War, just out plowing the field one day with his son and along came some Kansas Red legs and burn his house down and kill his family including his little boy. Josey is knocked unconscious and wakes up to find everything he knew or loved gone forever. He digs his pistol out of the rubble of his burned down house and begins practicing shooting and at first can't hit shit and then, after much practice, becomes a great shot. Then he teams up with Bloody Bill Anderson and goes to war. He becomes one of the last hold outs of the Missouri Guerrillas and has to take off so he isn't captured. He teams up with a Native American man when he is hiding out in the Indian Nations, and then rescues a Native American woman from some dastardly guys and she and her "mangy red blood hound" join Josey and the man from the Indian Nations for a grand adventure. He has to kill some bad guys a long the way and makes his way eventually to Texas. I won't spoil the ending for you folks that haven't seen it. 

There are some things I would change about the movie. I wouldn't have him spit tobacco juice on the dog, and I definitely wouldn't let him have a damn love interest in the movie. There's only one scene where he's all romantic, but it makes me feel nauseous watching it. In real life, the woman, Sondra Locke , was Clint's girlfriend at the time, so I guess he had to put her in there for some damn reason. She, to my tastes, is a little homely, but Clint had different tastes, I reckon. I just forward through these parts and pretend that they aren't in there.

Other than those few things, the movie is flawless. Here is how I judge a movie: If it makes you feel a certain way after watching it, like you want to be that character , then it is a great movie. The first time I watched it, I wanted to get on a horse, grab some chewing tobacco and a pistol and ride out west. Same thing with Rocky. I was just a little kid, but after watching it, I put on some gray sweats and a cross necklace and went for a jog, throwing punches the whole time. That's what movies should do, inspire you, make you fired up and make you want to be the main character. I do remember buying some Beech Nut Chewing Tobacco and practicing spitting after I saw Josey do it. You could buy it back in the old days as a kid if you found the right store. I didn't die from it, by the way.  Anyway, Josey was great because he barely said anything but the few words he did speak were awesome. I know the movie by heart, by the way. If you are a man, you should know every line. If you don't, get to memorizing. 

The only modern movie that is worth a damn is Hell or High Water, directed by the Yellowstone guy. I can't watch Yellowstone because Costner is a gun hating pinko. Bet you didn't know that. True Grit (the remake) is pretty good too. 

The only love story any good was 1993's True Romance, But there's a bunch of killing and a Rottweiler in it and the girl is sexy and tough, so it's okay.

Rocky I and III are classics. Rocky II was a little too cheesy and Rocky IV was great only for the training scenes. Rocky V doesn't count. The 70's and 80's were great for movies and movie stars. Clint, Stallone, Burt Reynolds were my favorites. And you didn't know every damn thing about them, like what they had for breakfast and there wasn't TMZ with the feminine guy host who drinks out of a cup with a straw. No self respecting man uses a straw. Come the freak on with that shit. Do men even know that rule anymore? If you were never taught that, consider yourself taught now. When the waitress brings you a glass with a straw, take it out and slam it on the table. She should know better. Maybe I should make a post about what a man should and should not do to maintain Man Card status. The first thing on the list is to watch The Outlaw Josey Wales. That will get your testosterone up and you won't want to use a straw, it'll just be naturally in you to refuse it.

I almost forgot about Charles Bronson's 1975 movie, Hard Times. He's a bareknuckle boxer who fights all comers. Fights on the docks and shit. There is a love interest in it, but as far as I can remember, there isn't any kissing or any of that crap. Just lots of fighting and Bronson being a the strong and silent type.

I'm sorry to say that the days of badass movies are gone forever. Now, it's all shaky cameras and sensitive leading men, wearing pink and talking too much. 

All About Being a Lifer

What's a Lifer? Someone who isn't in to something for just a day, a month, a's for life. Whether its training or your family or your doesn't matter. You work at it, you build on it, you see the big picture . You don't miss workouts because it means something to you. You are like a Shakespearean actor- no matter what is going on in your life, you block it out when it's time to train. You walk into the weight room and all else disappears. Worry about it later.