Football referees suck real bad. I mean, bad. High school refs are the worst. They suck big time but they get 50 dollars a game. If I was making 50 dollars a game and a coach started yelling at me, I'd be like, I'm gone, I'll be at the bar, bitch. But they are bad, like so bad that I want to knock them out but don't want to go to jail bad.
I'm going to go back to only watching pro football when the KC Chiefs are playing because Justin Watson is playing for them and I coached him at Penn. I gave it a shot, I really did. I took a couple of years off when they knelt for the flag and then my kid started playing it and I began watching again, but now, I have to stop again. It's the way that the players act. I grew up with Clint Eastwood and Randy White, you understand. Roger Staubach. Silent. Deadly. Remember when Mike Tyson in like '86 would just sit there at press conferences and not say a word? Like a barking dog never bites kind of thing. That was so cool. I have always been against any kind of celebration. Act like you have been there before. Fucking grown ass men, I mean, the grownnest of men, actually dancing on a football field. Ok, they used to dance like assholes just after touchdowns. Now, if they make a tackle, a mediocre tackle, they run into the end zone and dance all around. A tackle. And people cheer shit like that? It's all poor sportsmanship.You just don't think so because you are used to it, but it's all rubbing your achievements in your opponents face. Or, you just want the glory for yourself in a team sport. Neither wears very well on you.
I can't believe grown men dance, anyway. Where I grew up in Maryland, nobody danced, fast danced that is. You could slow dance. You are really just shuffling around and trying to grab things. It's your chance on a slow dance. I used to think that Fred Astaire was a little skinny bitch and then I was like Frank Sinatra danced , and I struggled with that, and then Elvis danced. Elvis was really just snapping his fingers and maybe like a line dance thing in a movie with Anne FREAKING Margaret. I had a big crush on her. SO she probably said to Elvis, hey dance with me in this scene and I will make it worth your while in the trailer later on. So the KING was like, I'll agree to that. It's a no brainer. Anne Margaret. Look her up and not when she was old. Like early 20's. But nobody else with the dancing gets a pass, just Elvis. And for the love of Elvis, never on a football field.
Watch an old film of Johnny Unitas. Dude, he was so cool that he was ice. Couldn't tell win or lose, touchdown or interception. Of course, he delivered coal as a kid in the Pittsburgh winter so he had some perspective on life. And those were the after war years. I mean, men were just different. You know that they were. I mean, men were freaking men. Fighting, smoking, drinking at lunch and shit. Get home when you get home and still rule the roost. Now, men wear a baby thing on their chest and carry a baby around. If you do that, it is one huge strike on your man card. If you are one of those guys, just stop now.
Back to Football.
Guys escape from a block or get even close to a tackle and they act like they saved the world. Ok, so let's think of who can't dance on the field. Offensive linemen. A good block and like 3 of them dance or better yet, the center pancakes the nose guard and he and all his teammates run into the end zone and mug for the crowd and cameras.
Wait, if there wasn't a camera or the crowd, would they still act like that? No? Why not? You are celebrating the achievement , right? Not just to draw attention to yourself, right? Not that, never that. Sucks
I'm struggling with the Elvis thing, but not too much. My dad didn't like Elvis, I mean the whole rock and roll thing and I think he one time called him a "Goop with that slicked back hair" Which is funny as hell, but Elvis was pretty cool. He'd fight and women would freaking throw their panties at him. You read that right, there is Elvis!!, now take off your panties and throw them at him. Or I guess they brought some panties with them. Yeah, that would make more sense than taking their actual underwear off at the show. Duh. I'm losing it.
I saw him live, I sure did. Elvis. One of his last shows. He was fat, oh man, it was awful. But these women were going freaking nuts for him, like really screaming in a rage of love for him. They yelled at the back up singers to sit down because people in the back couldn't see Elvis. They were like "SIT THE FUCK DOWN" and I think even Elvis said something, but I was 10, so I can't really remember. But I did see him, I sure did. He was cool, he sure was.
I like this column, so I am going to find my family and dance in front of them to celebrate. Then, I am going to jump off the back deck. Because if you dance, you should think about ending it all. Except if you are Elvis, that is.
