Thursday, April 11, 2019

Respecting Famous People

I was talking to a friend of mine one day. This guy is smart, a lawyer and a writer.

We were listening to some Heavy Metal in the weight room. And he said something to the effect of , "I love him as a singer, but he weighs about 150 pounds, doesn't lift and you know that he can't fight."  I was like, "Oh man, I have felt like that forever!" Then I asked, "Has he served in the military?"

"No, he's a beanpole. Pepper James Keenan has, you know the Tool guy?"

"Okay, he passes."

"And he does jiu jitsu. So double pass."

And then I thought about it, about my unbridled prejudice regarding not reading anyone, listening to anyone singing,watching movies or tv shows or basically respecting anyone "famous" unless they have:

Served in the Military

Trained with weights

Fought (Any type: MMA, boxing, Muay Thai, one freaking street fight, Jiu Jitsu, anything combative where your life is in danger)

Hunted and fished (not just camping or hiking)

I'll be all into a band and then read an interview with the lead singer and he will talk about synchronized swimming being his favorite sport and I will ban them from my music. So shallow.

Like, I can't force myself to watch the new Motley Crue movie on Netflix. I mean, I have listened to some Crue before I became close-minded, but now I'm like, why do they get a movie about them? Like, they were wild, right? Oh, so wild. C'mon, picture Tommy Lee squatting 315. Good Gawd, it would break his tiny little legs in half!

Tommy Lee
But I can listen to anything by Zakk Wylde! Lifts weights, named his dog DORIAN, after Dorian Yates. Said his two favorite football players were Jack Lambert and Randy White.

Clint Eastwood. No question. Military, lifts, used to box. Shoe in.

Metallica.  Negative. They shop on Rodeo Drive. Is one of them doing Jiu Jitsu? They can get in if one is. Maybe more, Lars is real soft. He and Tommy Lee should lock themselves in the weight room for years. A couple of cots and jars of peanut butter and gallons of milk. Postscript- Hetfield (lead singer) hunts. Pass.

Hemingway. He boxed, fished and made himself one of the greatest fishermen the world has ever seen. Hunted, drank like a fish. Also got blown up in World War I. He passes with flying colors.

Hemingway pounding whiskey after a duck hunt

Phil Anselmo. The Pantera frontman has boxed and is a boxing historian. He passes.

AC DC. Damn, I don't think that any of them pass. Okay, one exception. They are the exception.

Led Zeppelin. Oooh, man. Fail.

Van Halen. David Lee Roth lived in Japan and practiced martial arts. They pass, although the others need to join Tommy Lee and Lars.

Stallone. Boxed, lifts. Pass.

And trained by Franco Columbo
Leonardo DiCaprio. Negative. Beyond negative. Case of protein bars and a squat rack coming right up! Chained to the squat rack. Sets of 12 on the hour and a box of bars every hour until he can squat 405. Deep.

Hunter S. Thompson. He played football in high school, didn't he? And hunted, too. He passes.

Any self- help guru. Tony Robbins may lift, though. Ok, he has a weight room in his house. He says his routine last like 10 minutes. I'm gonna fail him, I don't believe it.

Lady Gaga.

Any of the Kardashian or housewife shows. Fail.

Adam Sandler. Waterboy. Funniest football movie ever. But did you see The Longest Yard? As my college coach used to say about sorry players, "He couldn't play dead in a cowboy movie." He ain't no Burt Reynolds (who passes. R.I.P)

Jimmy Hendrix. Passes, military.

You get the picture. It has made my life difficult, always looking up backgrounds on people before I can like them. But it is part of me, and I cannot seem to shake it.

All About Being a Lifer

What's a Lifer? Someone who isn't in to something for just a day, a month, a's for life. Whether its training or your family or your doesn't matter. You work at it, you build on it, you see the big picture . You don't miss workouts because it means something to you. You are like a Shakespearean actor- no matter what is going on in your life, you block it out when it's time to train. You walk into the weight room and all else disappears. Worry about it later.