You ever have those days when all seems lost and nothing is going right and every task seems like a monumental chore and you don't want to see anyone but your dog and you definitely don't feel like talking to anyone at all?
You need to call this person and pay this bill and go to this meeting and you can't even picture yourself doing it.
You just wanna get away and let the day go by and maybe tomorrow will be better.
(Of course, you trained, man. It's the one thing that is solid as hell in your life and you won't let that go, you will do it even if you don't feel like doing anything else).
Maybe that feeling of needing to escape or that just being alone feeling is a true feeling, one that we are programmed to have once in awhile by our primal past.
Maybe we are meant to be around the other members of the tribe for a period of time, laughing, breeding, eating, building fires and taking care of the elders and little ones.
But then maybe we are supposed to get away from everyone and get in the woods and be alone, or maybe we are supposed to go in the wilderness or by the water and hunt or have a vision quest or just sit and recalibrate ourselves.
Maybe society today is programmed all wrong, that we are not meant to work for anyone, that we are meant to be truly free and be nomadic and go where the food is (the game) and never have a day where you are told what to do by someone who is your "boss"(now that is unnatural. Someone is in charge of you)and earn money just to buy things that we really don't need and to keep working for 3/4 of your life and retire when you are too old and broken down to enjoy life.
That's natural? To have bills and stress out over little league and to please people that you wouldn't even know existed if you had your choice in life to live how you really wanted to live.
Maybe we were meant to be like the Native Americans or the Mountain men of the 1800's and live by our wits and eat raw liver with gallbladder squirted on it and live and die on our own terms. Maybe we were meant to live as hard as we can and do exactly what we want to do without silly rules or laws. Maybe the "laws" are just decided by what's seen as right or wrong in the tribe and things like hurting the helpless or not pulling your weight are not tolerated and you either are banished or everyone knows that nobody survives very long being that way, anyhow.
Maybe loving the earth and appreciating the beauty of nature and always giving thanks for the food that you have killed or gathered is the right way. Because of your appreciation for it, because you are in it, you know what it took to get that stuff and it wasn't going to the drive-in and ordering a number "3" combo, medium. You know that what you are eating is precious and you earned it yourself by hard work and the sweat on your brow.
Maybe everything is too much and there is too much talking and lying and trying to please everyone for no good reason except to get ahead at your job that doesn't really matter in the big old picture of life and death.
I have been utterly penniless while coaching before (and coaching 90 hours a week), and I don't believe that I have ever been happier than at that time. Why? Because what I was doing was pure, meaning I was doing it for the love of coaching, certainly not the money. It was a time in my life when I did feel free. I couldn't buy anything, anyway, even if I wanted to. So the passion was pure, the motivation was pure. And although we bitched about the pay sometimes, when I was cutting the practice field, alone on the tractor, I was very happy, unencumbered by having to do something or having to be somewhere.
I am not sure what the answer is to all of this, except to keep the mindset of being free, free within yourself. Because there is no turning back from what has been created and what, quite frankly has been lost over the years.