I was thinking today about how life is never just smooth. How there is always something. Everyone has battles to face, problems to deal with, problems to solve. A sunny day is usually followed by a cloudy one, so to speak.
I was lying in bed with my son last night and we were watching an ESPN special on my Kindle about the Baltimore Colt's Marching Band. On how they stayed together even though there wasn't a football team. And folks are crying as they talked about the Colts and what they meant to the town. And how Baltimore was in mourning when all of that went down. Of course, it messed with my head, being from Maryland and all. And while watching the show, something just clicked in me, some kind of swelling of love for my sons, and I had a realization that my love for them is stronger than anything I can even describe. It's so strange because they are so vulnerable, and then I thought about how messed up the world is and how I don't want them to see any of the things that I have seen. And then I also thought that they will learn about life and how it is wonderful at times, but there are such bad times that sometimes, sometimes, you can not remember the good times.
Man! How a father just wants to smother them and never let them see the world. But you can't, you just have to take it day by day, minute by minute, hoping that they turn out alright.
Can't think of the bad stuff or it will tear you up. I usually start to exercise and my mind clears, and then it stays that way for awhile. And then something comes on the news and man, there is such, I don't know, such, awfulness around. You just wanna squirrel away in woods somewhere and build a fortress or something. Fortify it against all that is evil and bad.
You wonder about people, you wonder about the way people are, how they act, why they act a certain way. My god , sometimes you want to say to people, ok, speak the truth now, you know you are lying, I know you are lying, so SPEAK it, tell the truth about what you really want to say, right now, say the words.
Thats why the weights are true, they never lie to you. Henry Rollins wrote that one time, I believe. And my Labradors while they are working. The joy of seeing them retrieve a duck? True.
I could never be in sales. Lying, schmoozing, smiling that fake smile. Love fakeness. The art of the fake.
Ugh. Shake hands, oh yes, I haven't seen you in so long! How are you? How was your vacation? Have a great weekend! How's the family? How's your training? Oh, You haven't been able to get to the gym? Oh, there are no gyms where you were staying. Were you in the Amazon?
Ok, well, do your best, ok, yep, doing only cardio is great. Yes, weak is good. Yes, I know lifting is tough and uncomfortable. And you used to bench 485. Oh, it wasn't really 485, it was 405. Oh, it really wasn't 405, it was something that you always wanted to do, that benching of 405. And now that you only do kettle bells you know that you can bench 405. When is the last time that you benched? Oh, 5 years ago. Ok. Yes, I believe you. No, I'm listening. Sorry, I was picturing you benching 405. No, No, I know, you don't want to get too big and protein is bad for you and meat is bad for you and while you are talking I am pondering how, just how, I can exit from your presence. Yes, I know, you will start on Monday... Get jacked! Have I heard of that type of workout routine? No, I haven't. Oh, I am sure that's great for you. When are you starting? Oh, Monday, that's right. Why don't you just say that it hurts too much to squat ,deadlift and press? I know that's what you are thinking. And you know that I know. Ah, the charade. It is so wonderful to play it out. Oh, yes, you will get stiff and muscle bound! Of course you will. Yes, I know, honestly, you just don't have the time.Yes, too much pressure to get to the gym. Oh the pressure! That's a lot of pressure right there! Just like being a soldier or a cop or a surgeon. Gotta get back into it. Gotta get back into it. Yes I know you are on vacation so you need to eat and drink and gain 10 pounds! I know, I hate it when you get off of the plane and there is that mystery person who stuffs cake and daiquiris in your mouth. And Easter is coming up and then that birthday party and then Memorial Day and then your sister is coming to town...right, start right after that, or the Monday after.
You must not set yourself apart! And yes, all lifters are dumb and not well read, and deep down inside you sorta want to be strong but what if people , gasp, people in the gym are looking at you? That would be awful because when you are on your death bed, that is what you will be thinking about, that day in the gym when some guy in a wind suit was was watching you deadlift. That is it!
I know, I just. I just. I just don't understand. But I really don't want to. Gonna just smile the fake smile, and moooove along.