I have been in a deep funk lately.
In times like these, I think of just how fragile life is, of the meaninglessness of most of what we as a society deem as important. It comes and goes, but it is hard with me lately.
Yes, I have still trained. Without training, I would go truly crazy. But it hits me as soon as I put the bar back on the rack.
This life, and the craziness of life and what comes and goes so fast and what means something and what doesn't mean anything.
Damn, life can get you down.
After all, all of my favorite authors have died. I am reading Harry Crews, and I am crying, laughing, smiling at his passages, at his words, the delightful words that he puts forward onto a page that are magic, man, pure magic and genius. And then that's it, once I get done with his books, that is it, no more Harry Crews, he is gone.... The Boston Bombings, the shit everyday about parents killing their kids, the crap, the endless crap about what is right and what is wrong and don't say this and don't say that, and its guns, no its not guns and and the boys at Walter Reed with no arms and legs and medical bills out the ass, cameras on the highway, cameras at redlights, hungry people in Ohio and West Virginia who you never hear about, death everywhere, addiction everywhere and then WHAT? What is next? Where does this crazy life/world go from here?
What is really important?
Its not whether Crossfit is worth a damn or not. Or if 3 sets of 5 is better than 5 sets of 5. Or if front squats are better than back squats....WHO CARES? Do what you want! Do 5,000 snatches in a row, great. Tear your back all to shreds. After all, it's your back. All yours. People say to me, I bet you hate that stuff, right?I say, I don't really care, I don't care at all. Hah, none of that stuff effects me one bit, why should it? I just do my thing, do what I think is right.
It doesn't matter. None of it matters. If you love it , or have strong feelings about it, great. I don't.
I was trying to make a point the other day to someone about lying on your death bed and looking back and remembering. What is it that will stick out?
it wont be if you had a good parking spot at work
or if The Cowboys shoulda drafted some son of a gun from Alabama
or if Slayer stayed metal
or if Lance Armstrong cheated
or if this was fair or that was fair. Hell, you know life is not fair. Or you will know it then.
or what an asshole that one boss was to everyone.
It will probably be about your parents or kids or your family or your wife or husband or best friend. Or the great pets that you had. Memories of them.
It will probably be something about how they loved you and you loved them and the great times that you had or maybe
the regrets of letting some of them go out of your life. Or holding grudges that seemed so stupid. I can hold a grudge with the best of 'em for sure.
Maybe the answer is to just be so passionate and joyous and angry and active and loving and intense that you never leave anything behind. To have few regrets, if any.
A friend of mine once wrote to me some great stuff. He said, "Rip it up! Rip it all up. Rip it apart. Burn out and burn bright because it is coming for you. Leave nothing to chance or nothing that you wish that you had done. Never be afraid of anything! Take the step onstage, make the speech, reach out and kiss it all. Embrace it all and enjoy it all."